he goes down to the municipal corporation office once in a while, sits down with a daily rated second divisionclerk-cum-case worker in the revenue section and haggles endlessly over a disputed (mongrel) dog license fee and demanding that the matter be referred to tripartite adjudication by a full bench of the International Court of Justice at ‘The Hague’.

I’ve been doing some quick checks and calculations and I find that you’re entitled to an immediate refund of 15 paise. Congratulations!”

“You’re on the verge of coming into a colossal fortune,” he cried, “the Finance Minister with an eye on the coming Lok Sabha polls and wanting to shore up the UPA’s government sagging image has been presenting a soft, pro ‘aam aadmi’ budget and has announced a series of reliefs and concessions to the salaries of middle class and wage earners. He raised the slab for the standard rate of income tax deduction from Rs 18.000 to Rs 18.000.05. I’ve been doing some quick checks and calculations and I find that you’re entitled to an immediate refund of 15 paise. Congratulations!”

I stifled a bored yawn, coming into a whopping legacy of 15 paise I felt a bizarre feeling of ‘déjà vu’, but then we plutocrats have to wear the mask. It was going to be business as usual for me.

I called in my 23 year old son. “I know that you’ve set your heart on buying that 1909- model Rolls Royce, Bentley vintage car and now that the IT people will be sending me a refund of 15 paise. I’ll be happy to deal and mind you don’t go bidding above Rs 50 crores. I know you spoiled sons of multibillionaires!”

I then talked to my wife. “Weren’t you telling me that you were rather keen to buy Elizabeth’s Taylor’s diamond studded tiara and her entire jewellery collection. Now that the Finance Minister has presented a soft budget and I stand to gain a mind boggling 15 paise. I’ll be delighted to buy them for you as a birthday gift. You can cable Liz Taylor’s estate in Geneva and find out if they would still be interested to sell her jewellery collection, but keep an eye on the bottom-line. I know something happens to you women when you want to buy jewellery!

I sent a hotline Fax message to my Dalal Street broker. “Buy 51 per cent controlling interest in Reliance Industries, Larsen and Toubro and also Wipro. I’ll pay for my stock purchases in cash!”

 The telephone rang again and it was my accountant calling again. “A news flash has just come in on the ticker and the Finance Minister has announced more reliefs and concessions and I find that you’re in actual fact entitled to a refund of 20 paise!”

On, in that case I think I will put in a bid for the Sultan of Brunei’s private airliner and luxury yacht after all.

By S. Raghunath