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SOME UNEXPECTED COMEBACKS

Customer: What is my mobile bill for the month?

Call Centre Girl: Sir, just dial 123 to know your current bill status.

Customer: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL MY MOBILE BILL.

Man in a bar says to the bartender, “I got a brand new car for my wife!”

Bartender replies, “Wow! That’s an unbelievable exchange offer!”

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?

Student: ZEBRA

Teacher: How so?

Student: Because it is Black & White

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Squabbling Spouses

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,

So I’d be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,

So I could have a new one everyday.

************

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.

************

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three? Add a comment Read more: Humour

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Beauty Cream

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

“Why do you do that, Mommy?”

“To make myself beautiful,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

“What’s the matter?” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up?”

Job Interview

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?”

The engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?”

The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?”

And the interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.” Add a comment Read more: HUMOUR

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LAWS

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left
will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number,
you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

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The Joy's of Parenting

• A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after you’ve purchased new school clothes.
• An alarm clock is a device for waking up people who don’t have small kids.
• Anyone who says “Easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried it.
• Children don’t sleep ... They recharge.
• Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said. Add a comment Read more: The Joy's of Parenting

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Crazy Answers to exam questions written by history students

1. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

2. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

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9 Words Women Use

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in ‘Fine’.