Even from childhood we see male children want to play with toy pistols, puzzles etc. whereas female children want to play with dolls etc. Both have to understand the basic differences between them and if that be so, marital or other relations between them will last long. The first law of nature is that a man and a woman are two living beings. The second law of nature is that union of a man and a woman perpetuates mankind. As soon as two persons live together, a number of rules come into existence of which some are natural and some are man made. The problem is that a systematic training of both is missing. No one can live together peacefully unless they are tolerant of others. The most important factor for peace is humble, modest, unassuming and sweet behaviour. Anger, egoism, greed and fear are negative tendencies which are responsible for various disputes amount the husband and wife. Males value power, competency, efficiency and achievements and they always try to develop power and skills. They are more interested in ‘objects” and “things” that can help them express power by creating results and achieving their goals to prove their competence which gives them satisfaction. They always try to solve their problems themselves without telling others except when they require some expert advice. He does not want any unsolicited advice from her.

However a woman likes to share all the problems she faces throughout the day, not for a solution but to get close and that gives her satisfaction. But a man wants to offer solutions to problems and does not want to hear the same in detail which irritates the woman as she does not want interruption; rather she wants to share her feelings and problems. Women have different values; they value love, communication, beauty and relationship. They spend a lot of time supporting and helping one another. For them relationships are more important than work and technology and they want to live together in harmony and loving co-operation. To share their personal feeling is much more important than achieving goals and success. When they care about someone, they freely point out what can be improved on and suggest how to do it. Offering advice and constructive criticism is an act of love. When a woman tries to improve a man in some manner, he feels humiliated rather than satisfied.

A man does not offer advice to others unless asked for but when a woman offers unsolicited advice, it irritates him. A man rather feels that she has no trust in him.

For men, it is important to listen to the problems faced by women whether in the office, the work place or residence patiently with empathy without offering a solution or interrupting in the midway and in this way he can truly understand her. This is really one type of love for her. However both men and women can offer advice but they have to keep the point of time and atmosphere among them in consideration. When the partner resists, it is probably because we have made a mistake in our timing or approach. Understanding these differences makes it easier to respect our partner’s sensitivities and be more supportive. So men should practice listening without offering advice and women should resist giving unsolicited advice.

When a man gets upset or faces a problem, he becomes quiet and does not share it with anybody unless any assistance is required and when he finds a solution, he feels better and if he does not find a solution, he tries to forget the problem by diverting his mind to some other objects and tries to relax. But when a woman gets upset or faces problems, she wants to share it with her husband or someone she trusts to get relief and when the other one listens to her patiently and supports the basis of her problem, she feels good, happy and relieved. Moreover when a man gets upset and when he becomes quiet, he does not give proper attention to his partner for which she feels that her husband does not care. At this stage, she should co-operate him without feeling any bitterness. So, to increase co-operation, both men and women need to understand each other.

A woman under stress is not immediately concerned with finding a solution to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood. A man tends to focus on one problem and forgets others but a woman tends to expand and become overwhelmed by all problems. To forget her own painful feelings, she may become emotionally involved in the problems of others. A man becomes impatient when a woman talks about problems in great detail but he should understand that she needs him to understand her feelings and then only can she feel good and relax. However it is better for a woman to let him know in advance the outcome of the story and then go in detail. Another thing, when a woman feels that her husband is distracted, she should stop talking and wait for him to notice and then start again. When a man is upset, tired or otherwise preoccupied, no problem should be placed before him until he becomes his normal self.

Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed. Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished, when a man is in love he is motivated to be the best he can be in order to serve others. Given an opportunity to prove his potential, a man expresses his best self. Only when he feels he can not succeed does he regress back to his old selfish ways. Most men are not only hungry to give love but are also starving for it. To become motivated, he needs to feel appreciated, trusted and accepted. Not to be needed is a slow death for a man. Women are happy when they believe their needs will be met. When a woman is upset, overwhelmed, confused, exhausted or hopeless, what she needs most is simple companionship. She needs to feel she is not alone. She needs to feel loved and cherished. When a wife is frustrated due to long time complaints and accumulated resentment and blames her husband as lethargic, selfish, controlling and unromantic and wants divorce, the husband is to try to share her feelings so that he can understand her negative feelings and thereafter he should take the responsibility for not supporting her and may have to apologize for hurting her. The wife will automatically acknowledge some responsibility for the problems stating that she had stepped over her boundaries. Thereafter both should practice setting their respective limits and start expressing honest feelings in a respectful way.

Quite often, when one partner makes a positive change the other will also change. When a wife realizes that she truly deserves to be loved, she is opening the door for a man to give this to her. Similarly when a man realizes that he is unhappy and wants more romance and love in his life, his wife will suddenly begin to open up and love him again. In this way walls of resentment begin to melt and love is rekindled. Both should think that they are good enough and should learn the lessons necessary to achieve the goal from mistakes made and there should be no place of any type of fear in giving or receiving anything and an ability to learn to forgive any fault.

Sometime women express feelings through innuendos and metaphors and these should not be taken according to their literal meaning. Men should try to understand and correctly interpret and support a woman when she is talking about her feelings. Similarly women should also correctly interpret and support a man when he becomes silent. Both men and women need to stop offering the method of caring but they should prefer and start to learn the different ways their partners think, feel and react. A woman should not disturb a man when he becomes silent and should not ask repeated questions but should rather support him by telling him that everything will be all right and by doing something that makes him happy. Never offer any solution or ask questions.

When a man can’t listen to a woman’s hurt feelings, he should watch TV or do other things saying that he needs some time to think about it and avoid arguing. The woman should understand the fact and should not demand his listening to her when she wants to talk and should take some time so that both can relax and later on they can discuss the problem. When a man is poor, money remains a major focus for the woman’s pain but as they become more financially secure, she becomes more aware of what she was not getting emotionally. This progression is natural, normal and predictable. A woman needs support when she is unhappy otherwise she can never truly be happy as she can not heal her negative emotions. So a man is to give love to her which she deserves and needs it most. Men and women have different emotional needs. Men primarily need trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement. Women primarily need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation and reassurance. Both need the twelve kinds of love but fulfilling a primary need is required before one is fully able to receive and appreciate other kinds of love. Understanding the primary kinds of love that your partner needs is a powerful tool in improving relationships. Men and women get their feelings hurt most easily when they do not get the kind of primary love they need. Women generally do not realize the ways they communicate that are supportive and hurtful to the male ego. They should know his primary needs. Similarly by understanding a woman’s primary needs, a man can be more sensitive to and respectful of her needs. A man must learn to listen to a woman’s feelings only then can he effectively fulfill her primary needs. Similarly a woman needs to learn the art of empowerment and the secret to empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him.

Communication is the most important element in a relationship, arguments can be most destructive element. We must try to handle our differences and disagreements through discussion, negotiation avoiding arguments as during arguments either one can take things personally whereby relationship may deteriorate and love may die. During arguments, one couple may have a war while the other a cold war or hurt the other without knowing. It is best to find a balance between two extremes. There are four stances that individuals take to avoid getting hurt in arguments. They are four f’s: fight, flight, fake and fold. Each of these stances offer a short term gain, but in long run they are all counter productive. When a problem is not solved, man starts offensive (fight). However, to avoid confrontation, man retires, refuse to talk (like a cold war i.e. flight). However to avoid hurt in a confrontation, woman pretends that there is no problem with a smile on face i.e. fake. On many occasions, woman takes the blame and assumes responsibility for whatever in upsetting her partner i.e. fold. A man can handle differences and disagreements best when his emotional needs are fulfilled. A woman should not get upset over smallest things, advise him to do things in a particular way, blame him for her unhappiness, complaints about her pains, worry for things which may go wrong, expect him to do things or talk when she wants and expect him to read her mind. A man should not minimize the importance of her feeling or request, forget to do things she asks, blame her for being upset, raise voice or making list why he is right, have condescending attitude when questions asked by her about decisions, reject her questions or comments, explain her why she not be hurt. A man may think, he scores high giving a big gift but no matter how big or small gift of love is, it scores one point; each gift has equal value. To a woman, little things are just important as big things. Little things make a big difference. To fulfill a woman’s desire a man needs to understand what she needs to feel loved and supported. Woman needs many expressions of love in a relationship to feel loved. Similarly woman should appreciate the things he does for her. A man needs appreciation and encouragement to continue giving. Without overworking, a man should spare sometime for woman as she needs most is to spend sometime with the man. So a man needs to be appreciated, while a woman needs to feel supported.

When a man makes a big mistake and feels embarrassed sorry or ashamed, then he needs her love more. He does not say sorry, because he is afraid of not being forgiven. It is too painful to acknowledge that he has failed in some way. Instead of saying sorry, he may become angry with her for being upset. Improving a relationship takes no more energy than we are already expending and does not have to be terribly difficult. Relationships are exhausting until we learn how to direct our energies into the ways that our partner can fully appreciate.

Ultimately it must be stated that unselfish love brings a man and woman together to form a home and love increases happiness of children. Man should not hesitate to sacrifice pleasures even for welfare of his wife and wife should reciprocate in the same manner. Faith is also very important factor. Faith, in each other, in all its aspects of trust, confidence and reliance brings happiness. Self discipline and responsibility are also important factor. One should not shirk its responsibility and for any mistake committed one should immediately come forward to admit the same and in that way he or she would get reciprocity and in this way peace will be permanent and relationship is improved.