The daughter of the house – the apple of our eye, drew upon our resources for buying Chanel No.5 and other French perfumes in kilolitre quantities and for having her eyebrows tweezed, waxed and plucked and her hair shampooed and ‘set off’ 13 times a day.
As a result, we have ended the current financial year with a net deficit of the revenue account of Rs. 219.50 which I propose to cover by way of fresh imposts and stringent measures.
I propose that Madame join a less exclusive coffee club and that her rummy stakes should not exceed 10 paise per point against the present Rs. 10 per point. The net savings to the exchequer on this account during the remaining months of the current financial year is likely to be Rs. 21.
I propose a one time levy of Rs. 5 per call on every telephone call Madame makes to exchange the latest gossip and for running down her enemies. This impost is likely to mop up additional revenue of Rs. 33 to the exchequer.
I propose to abolish the concessions to Madame to travel to her home town to visit that old battle – axe – her mother resulting in a net saving to the treasury of Rs. 42.
All sections of the household will have to equitably bear the burden of fresh imposts if our domestic household is to overcome its present budgetary crisis.
As in previous years, I propose to rationalize and effect a substantial hike in duties on tobacco and tobacco products. From April 1st, Junior will have to pay an ad valorem surcharge of Rs. 7 on every pack of king – size fags he smokes clandestinely in the shrubbery of his college’s ornamental garden after bunking moral class. This impost is likely to yield extra revenue of Rs. 39 compounded for the whole year. For the present, I propose to leave untouched duties on Junior’s Michael Jackson CDs and Levi’s.
As part of our zero budget exercise, the present practice of slyly raiding the ‘hundi’ kept in the worship room and desperately prying out of it 5 paise coins with a bent hairpin is proposed to be done away with.
I propose that the daughter of the house – the apple of our eye visits less exclusive beauty parlours and that she has her eyebrows tweezed, waxed and plucked and hair done once a forthnight instead of the 13 times a day as at present. The concession to her to subscribe to Vogue, Glamour, Good Housekeeping and Women’s Wear (Vide Import – Export Policy Red Book Vol. III) is proposed to be withdrawn.
The concession to the maid servant by way of old cotton saree and a blouse piece during diwali is proposed to be withdrawn resulting in a net saving of Rs. 9.
I thank you for your patient hearing and I now move the house for the consideration of my budget proposal.