“Business has never been better,” he said buoyantly leaning back on his plush executive chair. “I’ve been able to supply choice abuses and invectives to almost all the recognized political parties and I’ve immediate plans to open offices in all the state capitals and district headquarter towns.  “What accounts for your success?” I asked enviously.  “Well,” said my friend modestly, “I recognized a sunrise, greenfield stand alone business opportunity opening up and I seized it with both hands. I saw that political parties and their bosses were floundering hopelessly, desperately searching for vituperative abuses to heap on their poll opponents and that’s where I come in.”

I saw that political parties and their bosses were floundering hopelessly, desperately searching for vituperative abuses to heap on their poll opponents and that’s where I come in.

“Just how does one go about securing your services I asked. “Well,” said my friend, “A political party, let’s say the Congress (I) is locked in a bitter straight fight against the BJP in a key Msec North Delhi Lok Sabha constituency and they apply to me for an indexed list of abuses. Off – the - shelf, I can provide them with ‘Murderers of Gandhiji’ ‘Agents of kulaks and monopoly capitalists’ ‘Fundamentalist - reactionary-obscurantist force’. Any number of abuses are available from my computerized list.  “What if the BJP seeks your services?” I asked.  “Well,” said my friend, “I’m in business to make money and I’m totally a-political and BJP will get the same courteous and customized service. Let me see. Ah yes, for the BJP I can supply top-spinner epithets like ‘Dynastic hegemonies’, ‘Fellow travelers of the Communists’, ‘Russian stooges’ and ‘Has been party’. As a value - add - on bonus, my consultancy division can provide specialized services in character assassination, mud slinging, whisper and rum our mongering and signature campaigns.”

“I suppose your services cost quite a penny.” I said.  “That’s right,” said my friend, “After all, I’ve to survive in a competitive business and earn profits. This is a business of rapid obsolescence and the number of original abuses is limited and the name. The game is to shuffle them around so that every one of my constituents feels satisfied that he has got his money’s worth and that he has hurled the most shaking and defamatory abuses against his political rival. If a socialist candidate locationally tells the masses that he stands for the equitable distribution of wealth, I can tie on him a couple of name calling abuses that’ll make him sound like he stands for the equitable distribution of AIDS.”

Thereupon, my friend took a long distance telephone call from Kolkata. “Yes, Ms. Mamathat Banerjee. I’m at your service,” I heard him say.

S. Raghunath