While Rohini, put into space by our scientists is performing to a T, obsequiously obeying the authoriCtarian and high – handed orders barked at it from the ground, the Rohini I have put up into matrimonial orbit is a flop.

During the honeymoon orbits over Ooty and Kodaikanal, Rohini performed beautifully, responding instantly to my telemetry signals to do my laundry, darn my socks, sit up late for me or just keeping out of my way. However, of late, Rohini is ‘acting – up’, being tardy in responding to my transponder signals or ignoring them altogether or worse still, talking back cheekily – something which had not been programmed into the on – board matrimonial computer.

You can see for yourself what I mean by these excerpts from decoded telemetry tapes.

“Rohini, this is mission control. The boss is hopping mad about the dismal sales figures and he might well sack me and make me join the dole line if I’m not toiling at my desk before sunrise. Can you fix my breakfast pronto?

“No go Roger. Forget about my fixing your lousy breakfast. I’ve to rush for an early morning appointment with my Chinese hair stylist and manicurist.”

“Rohini, this is mission control. Is it ok with you if I bring my old crony over to lunch?”

“No go Roger about that lunch as well. My coffee club is meeting in an emergency session to discuss the latest designs in printed Benares silk sarees followed by a rummy and mah – jong party. I suggest you and your crony try pot – luck at the corner dhaba or bhel – puri shop.”

“Rohini, this is mission control. Fire your apogee motors for a retro fire and afterburn of T – minus 5 seconds and descend to household level. I want you to shop for groceries, pay the electricity and water bills and tell off the maid for not sweeping under the sofa – cum – bed. Is that asking too much?”

“Listen mission control, let me remind you that I am a fully liberated feminist and I’ll dare and defy all male chauvinist pigs and tell them to jump in the lake or boil their heads. If you don’t like it, you can lump it or you can press the ‘destruct’ button and I’ll go down (or up) in the fine traditions of Kate Millet and Germaine Greer.”

So you can see for yourself how things stand now. While Rohini, put into space by our scientists is performing to a T, obsequiously obeying the authoritarian and high – handed orders barked at it from the ground, the Rohini I have put up into matrimonial orbit is a flop, or as the media savvy wizard at Sriharikota have put it – ‘A Partial Failure’.

The recalcitrant Rohini happens to be my wife …….